All my life I wondered why my life turned out ok despite certain childhood awakenings.
What was it about me that made me able to cope, when a person with similar experiences choses suicide instead?
The best way for me to describe my early childhood is one of an adult awareness hidden inside a quiet and easy going child.
My mum has told me that as a little girl, if I did something wrong and was sent to my room for “punishment” she would find me hours later playing quietly and contentedly in my own space without any concern about being entertained externally.
As an adult, I have often gone for long drives with no radio or noise on and done work on myself internally. I suppose that may have been what I was doing as a child!
My family unit was far from traditional, I was born in Toronto, Canada in 1972 to an Australian mother who had met and married a much older Canadian man who was playing guitar at the Bourbon and Beefsteak Restaurant Bar in Kings Cross, Sydney.
They married soon after meeting and boarded a cargo ship for an 8 week journey to a new life in Canada. My mum was born and grew up in Perth, Western Australia and had been travelling in Sydney as a somewhat naïve 18 year old.
Once in Canada she found her new life to be quite a lonely one, as her new husband David worked on the trucking lines and was gone for long stretches of time leaving her in a remote area on her own. After discovering she was pregnant with me, she also found out that David had been untruthful on the marriage certificate in Australia and had falsely stated that he was single never married when in fact he was still married and separated from a wife and 2 children in Las Vegas.
When I was 18 months old, my mum met a Jamaican man by the name of Stan who would become my stepfather and a big part of my life from then onwards, and on New Year’s Eve, 1976 my sister Kim was born.
Our parents were very social and used to go to and host parties often, the life we had around us as kids was cultural and dynamic. An Australian mum and Jamaican dad raising 2 daughters in Canada in the 70’s at a time when mixed race families were still looked at sideways made for a slightly broader view of the world in general.
When I was six, a neighborhood teenager named Rob started babysitting my sister and I when my parents were attending parties that kids were not invited to. For some reason no warning bells went off in those around me, and a massive awareness shift was allowed to take place.
My memories are spotty with a few very vivid recalls that I can still today see when I go there with my mind. Four separate occasions stand out clearly in my memory and will likely stay with me for the rest of my life. How they affect my life is entirely up to me and I have brought into my life mentors who have helped to provide the tools that have been helpful in making sense of my history.
The biggest thing I have learned from my life is that I always have had the tools built in to process and deal with and love myself and my life, I always KNEW in my heart that hating myself was not the answer, that regrets of experiences was not the answer.
I sought out fictional story books that I somehow drew strength from and at around 12 years old I read my first personal development book; See You at the Top by Zig Ziglar, followed not too far behind by The Wealthy Barber by David Chilton and The Seat of the Soul: Inspiring Vision of Humanity’s Spiritual Destiny by Gary Zukav. I feel these books provided a solid foundation for me to find my feet on, and they are likely at the root of my first knowledge of being an entrepreneur.
Today, I find myself extremely driven towards a goal that has been simmering for 14 years, perhaps longer, but it came into my awareness when I moved from Canada to Australia in 1998.
When I see stories of young suicide, I think many things. Part of me honors their soul journey and understands that their action of suicide was perhaps part of a higher soul journey that was going to affect human emotions regards of when it was learned.
Perhaps we all have a suicide in our souls’ past or future that we do not know exists, perhaps not, I have no idea. But regardless of how logical and rational that sounds, hearing or reading or knowing of a young life gone by their own hands, always brings tears of pain, helplessness and at the same time a frustrated knowing that I have within me some means to contribute to a solution.
I have a vision in my head that is becoming reality.
There are huge amounts of funding dollars sitting in various funds waiting for someone to come up with the ideas and to have a plan of implementing action.
I have no need in me to rescue teens from themselves, our paths are each our own.
It is my mission and inspired vision to provide a place of safety, empowerment, learning and creating, for those whose path it is to cross with mine.